Dear Elise,
We came home from the hospital on Sunday, September 11, 2011. September 11 is such a horrible day in our nation's history that I am kind of glad this was the day we got to bring you home. That something good could happen on this day. On the 10th anniversary of a day that so many people lost their lives, we got to bring our little miracle home to start our new lives.
D came to the hospital to help us get ready and load the car. Back in August I sorted through his basement and found the dress that I came home from the hospital in. So we changed you into that and headed out. They didn't give us an instruction manual for you, no checklist or reminders. That was surreal. We sat in the car, just the three of us and took a breath. Then we headed home. MeMe was already at our house cooking us lunch which was wonderful.
You had lots of visitors that day. When everyone left that afternoon, your dad and I just kept looking at each other like "what now?" All three of us piled up in our bed and rested. I didn't nap because I was a nervous wreck and I wasn't going to fall asleep with you in our bed. But you and your dad snoozed away. I will forever treasure those few minutes with the two most important people in my life. In that moment, I had everything that mattered to me in my arms and I was so content. Sure I was tired and worried and everything else a new mom is, but the joy of that moment will be with me forever. It was pure happiness.
Life goes on, my dear. That's today's lesson. Even though tragedy strikes, if the Lord still has you on this planet, He has a plan for you, He needs you. So dig your heels in and be used. Be the person He wants you to be. And cherish those most important to you while they are here. Embrace true joy which only comes from God.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tongue Tied
Dear Elise,
I think I really became a mama on day 2. It was Saturday afternoon and Alabama was playing Penn State. MeMe and Papa had brought us lunch in the hospital and we were cheering on our favorite team. It came time for you to eat so they left the room for me to breastfeed. You ate and ate and ate...and still were hungry. I just knew something wasn't right. And your dad was not much help, poor thing. He just wanted to watch the game. But you ate and ate some more. I had the nurse come in and check you twice and they said everything was fine. But I wasn't convinced. Three hours later a nurse rounded and you were still hungry. She looked at your precious little mouth and said "Oh, she's tongue tied. She can't suck." Well I just immediately busted into tears. I lost it; blubbering, sobbing, pathetic idiot. She said that you basically hadn't been eating anything for 30 hours. So I was starving you, and had no idea. Your poor dad. He tried to hold it together to listen to the nurse. I don't know if he wanted to laugh at me or cry because he realized we had no idea what we were doing. Needless to say, we gave you a bottle and you calmed right down. It's amazing how babies quit crying when their bellies are full.
After you finally ate, we had a good day. Your daddy and I were tired, but Alabama won so it was a good day! But those hormones are no joke! I would be laughing one minute and crying the next. It is absolutely ridiculous! I cried when we sent you to the nursery for the night. I told your dad that I must be a horrible mother to send her starving child away. He just laughed at me and held my hand until I went to sleep. He's a good man.
Trust your gut, little one. I knew something wasn't right and kept asking for help until we discovered the problem. Don't be afraid to ask for help. We all need help every now and then. And when all else fails, laugh. It truly is the best medicine.
I think I really became a mama on day 2. It was Saturday afternoon and Alabama was playing Penn State. MeMe and Papa had brought us lunch in the hospital and we were cheering on our favorite team. It came time for you to eat so they left the room for me to breastfeed. You ate and ate and ate...and still were hungry. I just knew something wasn't right. And your dad was not much help, poor thing. He just wanted to watch the game. But you ate and ate some more. I had the nurse come in and check you twice and they said everything was fine. But I wasn't convinced. Three hours later a nurse rounded and you were still hungry. She looked at your precious little mouth and said "Oh, she's tongue tied. She can't suck." Well I just immediately busted into tears. I lost it; blubbering, sobbing, pathetic idiot. She said that you basically hadn't been eating anything for 30 hours. So I was starving you, and had no idea. Your poor dad. He tried to hold it together to listen to the nurse. I don't know if he wanted to laugh at me or cry because he realized we had no idea what we were doing. Needless to say, we gave you a bottle and you calmed right down. It's amazing how babies quit crying when their bellies are full.
After you finally ate, we had a good day. Your daddy and I were tired, but Alabama won so it was a good day! But those hormones are no joke! I would be laughing one minute and crying the next. It is absolutely ridiculous! I cried when we sent you to the nursery for the night. I told your dad that I must be a horrible mother to send her starving child away. He just laughed at me and held my hand until I went to sleep. He's a good man.
Trust your gut, little one. I knew something wasn't right and kept asking for help until we discovered the problem. Don't be afraid to ask for help. We all need help every now and then. And when all else fails, laugh. It truly is the best medicine.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The baby is coming, the baby is coming!
Dear Elise,
My due date was September 18, 2011. And let me just be honest that we were waiting until the last minute to get ready for you. We had your bed and clothes (lots and lots of clothes), but that was about it. I was going for my regular weekly checkup with Dr. Hudson on September 8, 2011. It had been a long night at work and an even longer day of running some errands, so when I finally got to see the doctor at 4pm, he decided to admit me because my blood pressure was high. He wanted to induce me in the morning. I was shocked! We were not ready. I was not ready. But none of that mattered anymore. I wanted you in my arms so badly.
So after a night of not much sleep, I was induced at 6am. Dr. Hudson did not think you would decide to grace us with your presence nearly as fast as you did. I guess this is our first lesson, you don't always do what's expected. You arrived at 11:23am, and honestly, labor wasn't so bad. Your dad probably wouldn't agree, but who cares. Granted, I thought I was dying the last 15 minutes, but you are so worth it. Never forget that.
My due date was September 18, 2011. And let me just be honest that we were waiting until the last minute to get ready for you. We had your bed and clothes (lots and lots of clothes), but that was about it. I was going for my regular weekly checkup with Dr. Hudson on September 8, 2011. It had been a long night at work and an even longer day of running some errands, so when I finally got to see the doctor at 4pm, he decided to admit me because my blood pressure was high. He wanted to induce me in the morning. I was shocked! We were not ready. I was not ready. But none of that mattered anymore. I wanted you in my arms so badly.
So after a night of not much sleep, I was induced at 6am. Dr. Hudson did not think you would decide to grace us with your presence nearly as fast as you did. I guess this is our first lesson, you don't always do what's expected. You arrived at 11:23am, and honestly, labor wasn't so bad. Your dad probably wouldn't agree, but who cares. Granted, I thought I was dying the last 15 minutes, but you are so worth it. Never forget that.
"For This Child I Have Prayed"
Dear Elise,
What can I say? You are absolutely perfect. I am amazed by you everyday. I have a wonderful mama who was taken too soon, so I have missed out on so many conversations. I don't want that for you. I want you to know as much as you can and know what I was thinking. I want you to know that you are so loved and treasured. You are a gift from God, one that I will thank Him for as long as I live.
Your dad and I are having so much fun getting to know you, watching you discover this crazy world we live in. You are so much fun...a lot of work too. I don't want to forget a thing, so I'm going to start writing them down. I hope you'll look back at this and laugh with me, cry with me, and most of all, understand me. I adore you, angel.
Mama
What can I say? You are absolutely perfect. I am amazed by you everyday. I have a wonderful mama who was taken too soon, so I have missed out on so many conversations. I don't want that for you. I want you to know as much as you can and know what I was thinking. I want you to know that you are so loved and treasured. You are a gift from God, one that I will thank Him for as long as I live.
Your dad and I are having so much fun getting to know you, watching you discover this crazy world we live in. You are so much fun...a lot of work too. I don't want to forget a thing, so I'm going to start writing them down. I hope you'll look back at this and laugh with me, cry with me, and most of all, understand me. I adore you, angel.
Mama
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